A WORD FROM OUR PASTOR

My move back home has been a real eye opener.  It has been a truly transforming event.  I am amazed at just how aware I am of what I think…and feel…and believe.  I have found a focus.  I have come to some new understandings.  I can see clearly now.  Painfully so.  It is like having my soul wince.

I think the heart attack and resultant surgery, were the catalysts. I certainly have felt compelled to look at my life and ministry in a whole new light.  I am 62.  I am fragile.  I am not the picture of health.  I have been lazy in taking care of my body.  Over indulgent.  Addicted to carbs.

I have this one life to live.  This is it.  My time.  My life.  God seemed to be telling me to take notice.  Pay attention to what truly matters.  In a way, God was saying – I matter.  Act like it!

Since moving back, I have been frequently overwhelmed.  I cannot believe the crazy pace of Life.  Days whiz by with such maniacal speed.  I walk past my old home, and schools, and down familiar streets, and I am dumbstruck that six decades have already come and gone.  I am stunned by the question – how much time remains?

I have sat by the lake a lot.  Especially under the stars.  I like the air, the wave sounds, and the absolute stillness of my soul.  I am blown away by my own insignificance.  Life is just so huge.  So is God.  I feel like I have so little to say.  Or so little to say that might make a difference of some kind.  I am still and know that I am not God.  It is indeed humbling.

It is 2012.  Yikes!  Another year.  I cannot believe it.  I drive by Horlick High School and still imagine seeing old friends coming out the doors. The days fall like dominos.  I cannot grasp the passage of time.  It is like trying to embrace the wind or water.

The new year comes.  What will be my resolutions?  To what will I devote myself?  What are my dreams and goals and wishes and wants and needs?  How will I spend my time?  How much time will I waste?  Or kill?  Or fail to notice?  Will I listen to my life this year?

I came to Racine and Holy Communion full of grand schemes and wickedly big dreams.  This has changed.  Now – I simply want to love the people and the place which is my spiritual home.  I have no idea if I will make any great sweeping changes. Not a clue if I will arouse or inspire a new vision or hope.  I just know I feel a lot of love when I preach and teach, and this feels real good.  Healing.

There is so much to do.  So much to be.  Where do I begin.  How do I get started in 2012.  I ache to the bottom of my heart.  But…it is to this bottom that I will turn.  At the bottom of my heart is the Bill who knows that he is not perfect. The Bill who understands that the will of God is for me to be just human.  The Bill who comprehends that my ministry is only a morsel of Grace.

This spiritual bottom, like all bottoms, points me back up.  Asks me to be on the up and up.  To lighten up.  To listen up.  To be upward bound.  To be a spirit who lifts up other spirits.  To be a soul who lifts others to higher ground.  To be someone who helps bring heaven to earth.

2011 was an amazingly rotten year.  2011 was an amazingly gracious year.  It was 365 days of bittersweet living.  It was an event of growth.  It was a process of maturation.  I am made new by these days.  Now a new year begins, and I will once again be transformed.

My dreams, like passing clouds, will take on new shapes.  My hopes will melt and freeze again.  My spirit will weaken and strengthen.  My life will ache with sorrow and joy.  I will wake up and be determined to be the best pastor Holy Communion has ever had.  I will go to bed knowing that I am just one of Holy Communion’s lucky pastors.

And so it goes.  This life of ours.  It is a river.  It never stops flowing.  It will one day empty into an ocean of Grace.  We will then know the truest meaning of home.

At long last – I think of Patty.  My beloved wife.  I wonder about her 2012.  I wonder about her mobility.  I question how long she can tolerate such chronic pain.  I think about another year of care giving.  I think about how trapped I often feel – as does she.  I think about the good old days of going anywhere and doing anything at anytime we wanted.  I recall sharing every aspect of ministry with her.

I grow sad.  But then it happens again.  I see the body of Christ in Patty.  I witness my call.  I am invited to be a footwasher, like every other disciple.  I realize the simplicity of faith.  I am reminded that I need to practice what I preach.  I need to be there for Patty.  Full of patience and perseverance and love.  Full of compassion and care and concern.  Full of interest and the desire to make each day a good one.

And this my friends, is how I will need to spend 2012.  It is just that simple.  Just that hard.  Just that overwhelming.  Just that mind numbingly boring.  Just that much of an honor to serve.  Just so full of life and love, that I could burst.

I am your pastor.  I love this reality.  I am a husband.  I love Patty past the sky.  I am a father.  Justin is my best friend.  I have found in Walter a colleague I have always longed to have.  I have found in Racine the nostalgia of my roots, and the fantasy of my faith.

2012.          Let me see.

Monday, I will feed all of the hungry.

Tuesday, I will find homes for all the homeless.

Wednesday, I will inspire all of our youth to be disciples.

Thursday, I will prepare the world’s finest sermon.

Friday, I will manage to visit each and every shut-in for several hours.

Saturday, I will fully rest and relax and become the presence of Sabbath.

Sunday, I will be the presence of Jesus.

I just need to keep things grounded in reality.

Much love and happy new year –

Pastor Bill